|Our Wedding Day|
Ronete-Jenna Van Staden & Johann Van Staden
09 April 2016
This topic never really bugged me though as I had no intention on submitting to any man, I respected my father’s authority as the head of our house, and honored my parents. I knew that one day my father would hand me over at the altar, to another man who will love and cherish me.
It seemed so easy, I had it all figured out and I was going to have the perfect marriage one day. Oh what a fool I was, because from the day that my husband went down on his knees and asked for my hand in marriage, this topic sprung to life in my head and would not rest.
If I am being honest, then part of me wanted to submit to him, that very moment like a drive inside of me, like a force was pushing my heart and mind to make the choice to submit, and then the worldly part of me (the woman that refuses to let go of control, be the doormat, take orders from any man) was holding me back with a leash!
So yes, after I said ‘yes’ to my husband, I knew that God was not going to let this topic just lose its flame, but instead I knew that God was going to be fanning the flames, so I might as well submit to God’s will and at least looking into the topic right?
Without me realizing that I had just taken the first step in submission to your husband, I submitted to God and started doing a little reach on what submission was all about.
I first wanted to know what the means were for these words.
Noun – The action of accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will or authority of another person.
You see my point, ‘superior force’, I don’t like this word, God is my superior and I should only have to submit to Him right? But let’s have a look at this a bit deeper.
Adjective – Giving way under pressure; not hard or rigid.
OK this seems a little bit better right? Taking the word submission and breaking away from the word control!
Verb - Make (something) suitable for a new use or purpose; modify.
OK now this one, I really like, who wouldn’t want to be suitable for a new purpose and be used for God’s purpose?
That’s when God showed me that I had already taken the first step to submitting to my husband, because for you to submit to your husband you need to first submit to God, His Word, His Will.
In fact a lot of woman has completed this step; this is the easy part, submitting to God. God is amazing that way; He first lets us practice everything with Him, before he asks us to perform these things in our lives. Think about it, God is forgiving, so when we slip He catches us and then He forgives us and puts us back on our feet, but if you has to slip in your marriage, well humans are not always forgiving, myself including and it ends up in a fight or divorce. So what better way to practice, with God first and then second step in your life.
So at this point I established that I have submitted to God, but the second step is submitting to my husband, allowing him to the leader that God meant in our marriage.
This was still the hard part, so I decided to pray about it and push further into reach on the topic.
The Word of God, clearly states ‘wives submit to their husbands’, so there is no doubt about what is God’s will in a marriage, even if we wanted to not accept it, it is clear to understand we are wrong.
Wives submit to their husbands. (Ephesians 5:22, 1 Peter 3:1). When a woman’s submits to her husband she is submitting to God, this doesn’t mean though that if a woman’s submits to her husband, her husband will be loving. He also needs to make the choice to take up his role biblically and be the leader of the house. God sees that if we as wives submit to our husbands it is an act of worship.
(Wow OK this is where my eyes started opening. I can worship God by just submitting to my husband?)
Woman should not submit because they believe that men deserve it, woman should submit as it is pleasing to God.
So then I decided to see what would be the responsibility of my husband, if I choose to submit to him.
The Word of God, clearly states that a husband should love his wife as Christ loved the church. His position as leader is biblical (1 Corinthians 11:3) and he is meant to lead his wife in a self-sacrificing manner. (Ephesians 5:25)
It should not be concluded that a man is free to do anything he chooses. Just as a woman needs to submit to God and then to her husband, so must a man submit unto God, and to a certain extent, the authority of the church (1 Corinthians 11:3, Matthew 18:15-17).
This is considered a service to the Lord.
Remember Christ died for the churches sins on the cross. Jesus submitted to the will of His Father (Matthew 26:39). He submitted and gave His life for us, so if Jesus submitted then why is it so hard for us to accept the fact that each person should submit to God and then woman should submit to their husbands and their husbands to take up the leadership role that God intended in their marriage.
Submission is a choice, you can either choose to submit to your husband or to God or you can choice not to. That is the difference from being controlled or treated like a slave, as salves do not get the choice to submit and listen, they are ordered to submit and listen.
The question I keep asking myself is that why is it hard to submit to something good, the way God wanted to your husband but it isn’t hard to submit to something bad, like habits and feelings. Why are woman now a days, including me for a time, pushing back so hard at the idea of submitting which actually should come natural by our nature?
This was also something that came to mind while I was digging deeper into submission, Christians are to submit themselves to each other (Ephesians 5:21), to government (Romans 13:1), and unto God (James 4:7).
There is nowhere in Scripture in which husbands command their wives to submit. A wife chooses to follow her husband’s leadership.
Submission should not be confused with a person being weak. In actual fact someone that choices to submit, shows extreme strength. I know that my will fought quite hard at the fact that I choice to submit to my husband eventually. It was not easy lying done the worldly Ronete and submitting full heartily to my husband.
In fact, to this day God still shows me every now and then where I have not yet submitted to my husband and listened. I think that I am now a great wife because I have now submitted to my husband, but oh no God still shows me where I sometimes still take control and want to lead. So submitting is not easy, and it is not a once in a life time thing, from my experience it is something that I constantly have to think about and remember.
From the beginning of time, woman has tried to take leadership from the man and man has often gladly given it away (Genesis 3). Genesis 3:16 refers to Eve’s new sin drive to override her husband’s headship, which has continued down the line of women.
It has been proven that women use many tactics to try taking control of leadership, including nagging, deception, and manipulation. This always results in sin and often, sorrowful consequences (Genesis 27). I am just as guilty for this.
So what does it mean when you submit, does it mean that you can never make a decision again? No…in a healthy marriage, husband and wife work as a team. However when a decision cannot be jointly agreed upon between husband and wife, the leader (husband) makes it, knowing he is responsible foremost unto God for that decision. So technically, my husband then is my shield? He can make the tough choices and then suffer the consequences as he is the leader and I am the submissive wife.
However, what should a wife do, should her husband no submit to God, and he doesn’t believe in God. Should a wife then still submit? A woman is not bound to submit to everything a husband desires. When a husband desires his wife to “go along” with something that is unbiblical, she is bound to obey the Lord instead. (Acts 5:17-42).
So being a submissive wife is like being a good daughter. You trust your father so when he says don’t do this, or we are going to the doctor, you respect his authority and you stop what you are doing or go to the doctor. As a child you don’t know why you had to stop what you were doing but you knew that your father knew best and had a good reason. You knew you were sick and went to the doctor but you didn’t have to pay out of your own pocket as your father paid for the bill so you could get better.
This is how a wife should submit to her husband. Once my father walked me doesn’t he aisle on my wedding day and placed my hand into my husband’s hand, I knew that my father had handed over his authority over me to my husband, and that my husband was now my leader and that I was supposed to follow his leadership just the way that I had followed my father leadership all these years.
So yes submitting is a very hard thing to do, however it is also a very fulfilling adventure should you choice to submit to God and then to your husband. The spiritual growth that comes from just this simple act is outstanding.
That is why on the 9th April 2016, I submitted to my husband, to his leadership, with my vows. I choose to be submissive and allow him to grow as the leader of our house. Even though I still make mistakes, I am reminded to work on this each day.
The End...Or Is It?